Take my hand
by Zivarocks44
Summary: "Take my hand..." he heard the little limb shape say to him. "J-just… j-just let go of the wound and t-take m-my hand" she whispered in a low barely audible voice.
1. In the end, words won't matter

"Petty officer Jens Mathews, 34. He was found in a river near Rock Creek Park, by three teenagers." McGee summarized what they had on the dead body so far.

"Other than the 3 gunshots in the body we found 2 others at the crime scene" Tony explained.

"Same gun?" Gibbs asked

"Yup"

"We could be looking at only one murder. Possibly not good with a gun, the way we found the bullets and a couple of recent, and only, footprints 10 feet from the body suggests that the killer missed a couple of times, but kept shooting." Ziva said.

"Abby is processing the blood on the gun we found. If it isn't the victims, maybe the murder was wounded and had his/her hand on the wound before using the gun"

"DiNozzo, Ziva, go down to Ducky " Gibbs said as he pointed at McGee "McGee, you're with me". Ziva and Tony made their way down to Ducky. As they entered the dark and empty autopsy they saw no Ducky. Ziva and Tony shared a look before they saw the autopsy door lock with a huge force, making them both run over to the door.

"It's locked" Tony said

"What the hell is going on?" Ziva said as she pulled out her phone.

It was then they heard that they weren't alone. "Ah, ah I would not try using that phone" a male voice warned. They both turned around from the door and saw him; Ilan Bodnar. Standing there in the middle of autopsy.

Ziva said the first thing that came to mind "Where is Dr. Mallard?"

"Don't worry Ziva, he hasn't arrived from the crime scene yet. And I'm not here for him." He said as pointed the gun forth and back between Tony and Ziva.

"Make one move and I will blow his head off" Ilan yelled as he saw Ziva trying to reach for her gun.

Slowly she put her hands up just like Tony had been doing as soon as he saw Bodnar: He did not want to take any chances knowing that Bondar would most likely kill Ziva if he did something he did not want him to.

"Look man, you killed Eli. And you got away with it. Just leave now and we won't come looking for you. Just leave" Tony tried to sell a lie to Illan and he saw right through it. _'Mossad' _ Tony thought. There was no fooling him.

"You and me both know that is not true agent DiNozzo. As soon as Mossad finds me, they will end me. So I don't care about my freedoom or my life anymore. Now…this is a question of family and honour."

From there on time moved fast. Tony could not quite put together when Ilan had hit Ziva with three bullets just below her heart or when Tony had drawn his gun and ended Ilan with a bullet to his head. Now he was standing with a gun in his hand and it only took a second, the longest second of his life, to realize what had just happened.

Dropping his body to the floor and gathering Ziva in his arms he had not noticed that her eyes were still wide open; she was in shock. As she gasped for air he had taken his jacket of pressing it to her wound with one hand while reaching for the phone in his pocket with the other. He called the ambulance telling them what had happened and quickly he dialed Gibbs right after.

As the phone was ringing he tried to calm Ziva with his shaking voice "Hey. HEY!" He said as he tried to make Ziva look at him not being able to turn her head to him with his hands "look at me. You are _not_ going to die today. You are going to_ live_. _Breathe_." After what seemed like hours Gibbs picked up his phone "DiNozzo, where ar-" Gibbs started. "Ziva has been shot Gibbs. Ziva has been shot 3 times to the chest Gibbs. Get down here and open those damn autopsy doors **NOW**." he said and quickly threw the phone away.

"Take my hand…" he heard the little limb shape say to him. "J-just… j-just let go of the wound and t-take m-my hand" she whispered in a low barely audible voice .

As he was holding Ziva with one arm and applying pressure to her wounds with one hand his eyes widened as he realized what was happening; she was drifting away, her eyes were giving in to the darkness.

"No, I won't let go of the wound….I won't let go, you hear me? I can't let you go Ziva. I can't let you go… I won't. You don't get to die on me, do you hear me? Do you hear me Ziva? You can't leave me. P-please just open your eyes. Please…" Tony kept begging as Gibbs got to the doors of autopsy with Ducky and McGee behind him. It only took a few seconds before Gibbs had used his gun to shot the handle of the autopsy doors, and he and McGee had kicked down the door.

They quickly made their way to Tony who was clutching to Ziva's limb and bloody body mumbling "No, no,_ please_ no"

Gibbs put two fingers on the side of her neck and he shut his eyes tight when he said "I-I don't think she has a pulse".

Ziva's face paled more and more by the minute as Tony's hands ran desperately and yet gently through her sweaty hair, tears falling from his eyes as he didn't even try to wipe them away.

His eyes never left Ziva's pale face and even though he whispered, the autopsy was completely quite meaning Gibbs, McGee and Ducky could hear him clearly, through his and their own tears "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I never told you. I'm so sorry I was so stubborn. I have _never_ loved anybody at all like I've loved you, like I love you. Oh God, I'm so sorry. But I promise you Ziva, I_ promise_ when this is over I'm going to kiss your soft lips, and I'm…" He said as he started closing his eyes with his one of his hands pressing her wound just below her heart and the other hand holding her bloody one… "I'm going to buy you a huge house. And you know what? We are going to have little children running around. And we are going to grow old Ziva. We are going to grow old. And I'm going to remind you every day for the rest of my life that I love you. You are my breath Ziva. I believe it now. I believe in all of the nonsense about soul mates. I never did. But you made me. You walked into my life and you made me believe. So I'm telling you: you can't leave now. I don't know who I am without you…". By now he was sobbing like he was when he as a child was sitting by his mother's hospital bed when she took her last breath.


	2. Pain can go on forever

"Come on Tony… time to get up" Gibbs took Tony's arm gently trying to get him up. "You need to clean yourself up and get to the hospital. You should be there. She needs you to be there when.. when she wakes up" Gibbs voice was now nothing but a whisper.

"I should… I should have told her when I had the time to" he said with his raspy voice as he stared into the dark space of the cold and empty autopsy . "all this time I was so close to admitting it. All this time I was so torn inside. I was scared. I was scared that if I would have thrown myself out there for her, I was scared that she would not choose me back. Love me back. I was scared that she'd break my heart. When mom died I told myself that_ no one_ would _ever_ break my heart like that. And then Ziva came into my life...and I started shaping my life around her...and now.. Now I'm falling apart…" he said as he shook his head.

"My heart is broken", and with that he broke down into sobs , making Gibbs sit down beside him in the pool of blood he was in, taking him in his arms. "I won't survive this. I won't survive the pain if she dies. I can't lose her Gibbs." He said desperately grabbing Gibbs' shirt with the little strength he had back.

"Look at me Tony" Gibbs tried as Tony kept crying. "Special agent DiNozzo, I am ordering you to look at me!" Gibbs firmly ordered him, seeing it was the only way he could shake Tony out of the state of shock he was in. "She is _not_ dead. She is fighting! But she can't do it alone. She needs you Tony. Without you, that's it. She's as good as dead. So stop mourning and put on your A game. Because she's fighting, but she's trusting you to have her back."

Eventually Gibbs helped Tony up from the cold and bloody autopsy floor and was ready to drive Tony home to take a bath so he could get the blood of his hands and face and get rid of his shirt that was now stained with Ziva's blood. But Tony refused to go anywhere but straight the hospital, where the rest of the team were waiting, not even wanting to clean himself up.

During the whole ride to the hospital Gibbs swore that Tony did not blink once as he was sitting and staring at Ziva's blood on his hands. Gibbs knew the look Tony had on his face too well from when he had lost his own wife and daughter a long time ago: _guilt._

When they arrived to the hospital Tony was the first one to run up to the desk and with fear clearly shaking his voice he asked "Ziva David?".

A moment went by followed by the lady's eyes looking at Tony with sympathy, "The bullets missed all major arteries but it still damaged enough for us to be prepared for the bad outcome. It will be a long way to recovery for her if she does make it. Her heart is very weak".

They found the team in the waiting room. Abby was the first one to run into Tony's arms. "Oh,_ Tony_" she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him, not caring about the blood he had on his shirt. Ducky made his way beside Gibbs as he whispered "Why didn't you get that poor boy out of that shirt?". Gibbs sighed defied "I didn't know how to Duck. He is drowning in guilt. And I… I just don't know what to say".

"Anthony my dear, why don't you go wash up?" Tony started shaking his head so Ducky tried to talk to him in a calming voice "look, they won't finish the operation for the next couple of hours and the bathroom is only around the corner. Just wash yourself up for a few minutes and come back again". Tony was now looking down on the floor trying to avoid everybody's worried stares. "Ziva would not want you to do this to yourself Tony and you know it" McGee said from across the room. "Come on, let's go" he said as he guided the now willing Tony out of the waiting room and to the bathroom.

Abby was now in Gibbs' embrace and Ducky walked forth and back in the room.

After a couple of minutes Tony and McGee were back. Away from the fact that Tony had washed the blood away from his hands and face, he still looked miserable.

"After three hours of waiting the doctor finally came out. She had now had an emergency surgery and she will remain in a medically-induced coma." As soon as the word 'coma' came out of the doctors mouth Tony put his head in his shaking hands. "No my dear boy, just listen to the doctor" Ducky calmly said to Tony and the rest of the team who was growing very scared.

The doctor continued: "This type of coma is used to protect the brain from swelling by reducing the metabolic rate of brain tissue, as well as the cerebral blood flow. Throughout the medically induced coma, her currently critical life functions will constantly be monitored….. Look, medically induced comas are only used when other options are lacking" The doctor tried to explain. "It only occurs in cases of extreme trauma…" Ducky tried to explain the team. "Her heart is very weak. But if everything goes well, she'll wake up by tomorrow evening. No longer. So I think you should get a good night sleep because tomorrow will be a long day." The doctor said.

The team all sighed as Tony was the first one to say "I want to see her". The doctor replied "She got moved to ICU. Only immediate family is allowed to see her". Gibbs answered her "She has no blood-related family.". The doctor stared in disbelieve "No family? No mother, father, sister, brother? Nobody?".

"No" Tony was growing angry at the doctor. "Okay then. But only two visitors at a time".

Tony was already following the doctor and the team quickly decided that Gibbs should go with him. "We can see her tomorrow Abigal and Timothy." Ducky said in an assuring voice. But no one had any bad feelings about it; they all knew Tony would be sitting at Ziva's side until she woke up… if she woke up.


	3. I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Tony was already by Ziva's side when Gibbs caught up with him.

They sat like that for an hour. No talking not even a sound. The nurse was the one to walk in and break the silence "only one person is permitted to stay in a patient's room overnight." she said shortly. Without discussing Gibbs gave Tony's shoulder a light squeeze and left the room. Tony thought he heard him say something about being right outside with the rest of the team. His focus was on Ziva and only Ziva.

Looking up a quick second to avoid the tears from falling he whispered to her "You have no idea how much it takes not to break down right now. But I'll keep it all inside for you. I will wait till you wake up. I won't fall asleep till you wake up" he said shaking his head "and then I will tell you how scared I am right know. I know you can hear me. Just let me know that you can hear me. Anything. You can even break my fingers if you want to" he said as he looked down at their hands half of him expecting her to tighten her hands around him and half of him knowing it would take a miracle for it to actually happen. "It's okay love. Take your time. And I will be right here. I will wait for you forever if that's what it takes". He said as he held on a little tighter to her hand and taking in her pale and thin yet_ beautiful_ face.

The next morning Tony had still not fallen asleep. It had been eight hours since Ziva had been taken to ICU. He had been up for those eight hours, his eyes focusing on one thing: Ziva. The rest of the team was out in the waiting room but during the night Gibbs had slipped into ICU. He had been sitting on the floor with his back leaned on the wall, l staring into the dark space. For the first time in a long time he doubted his gut; what if Ziva didn't make it? What would happen to the team? What would Tony not do to himself?

The nurse was the one who came and woke them up "between 10 a.m. and 9 p.m. the visiting hours are limited to twenty minutes especially when you aren't family. I'm sorry, but you can come back tonight".

Tony's eyes did not leave Ziva's face. His voice was hard as steel when he said "I'm not leaving her". The nurse went out of the room to find someone who could hlp her remove Tony from the ICU. Gibbs began "Tony…" and for the first time after several hours Tony turned away from Ziva's face to Gibbs' "Boss, her last chance of waking up is in the evening. I am _not_ leaving her" he said with his head shaking "You said so yourself. She is fighting but she needs me. Nothing will make me leave her side. **_Nothing_**". Gibbs sighed and gave Tony a very light smack to the head "I was _going_ to say…. I… am sure that I can work something out with the nurse so she gives you an identification bracelet. You can stay as long as you want Tony, don't worry." he said as he smiled sadly and put a assuring hand on Tony's shoulder.

Gibbs and the rest of the team grew increasingly worried with time. Ducky and Abby had begun praying and McGee was silently doing the same as he had his head leaned up against the wall with his eyes closed. McGee had gone to get them food around 2 pm and Gibbs had tried to get Tony to just take a break for 5 minutes to eat but Tony refused and he hadn't even changed his shirt from the night before. No one could remove Tony from the seat he was sitting in and his gaze had been on Ziva since the night before. Gibbs had been standing outside the ICU watching Tony and Ziva the whole time. No one talked. They just sat there.

It was nearly 5 pm. When Ducky went over to stand by Gibbs' side. "Jethro…. The doctor said by evening today didn't she?". "Yeah… yeah she did Duck…".

Inside the room Tony spoke for the first time to Ziva since the night before. "Honestly I tried to avoid it. Honestly. I tried not to fall in love with you. I kept telling myself that we were co-workers. All this time I thought I was fencing myself in. The truth is I was keeping you out. I was scared. Because I thought that if I loved you…. I would fall apart if you ever left. But now I've realized… It didn't make the least difference. It still hurts like hell. Ziva I need you to wake up. Please show me a sign. Show me a sign that you have not given up… C'mon Ziva...". Suddenly Tony felt her hand move just a little bit beneath his. Just as he was about to say her name again, _the line went flat_...


End file.
